i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
ttyl tear gas
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm too high and old for this...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
