Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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