God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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