At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
