I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
