I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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