Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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