Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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