I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
