i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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