Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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