i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
