how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
