The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
this hospital has no fireball
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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