I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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