Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
