Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
