Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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