Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
