Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
