please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
