We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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