You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
