We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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