I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
