I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Found your dick twin last night
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
