you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
