I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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