Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
