Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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