i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
