He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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