Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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