I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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