Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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