Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
