Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Drunk is a universal language darling
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
