You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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