Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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