i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
