1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
