is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize