he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
