I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
