K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
