I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
