did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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