Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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