Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
