so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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