That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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