He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
