i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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