Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.

(1-609): View more from New Jersey

Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.

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(713): View more from Texas

I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.

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(913): View more from Kansas

Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding

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(309): View more from Illinois

I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.

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(773): View more from Illinois

SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.

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(415): View more from California

I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.

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