M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
