He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
