the condom got lost in my hair
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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