i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
