Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Randomize
