so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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