Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
