There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
