I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
