Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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