Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
