I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
