I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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