I faked an abortion last night.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
